How do I deal?

So when you know for 100% that your husband (who left you a month ago, but is going to counseling to come back home again) is lying to you about where he is on a regular basis, and is quite possibly cheating on you... what the HELL do you do?!

Why is everything so hard?

This separation is really starting to take its toll on me. For the first week, I just was so mad, that I didn't really deal with it. The second week I was so busy, I could just pretend it wasn't happening.... but now it is sinking in. Gabs daddy went away this weekend. He announced last night that he'd be gone and don't expect to hear from him until Sunday night when he will call us. I asked where he was going, he wasn't interested in telling me, I asked what he'd be doing, again, nothing.

We have started to tell people, i.e. our parents, and a couple close friends. Turns out I didn't need support until a couple people knew, now I feel like I am absolutely falling apart. I think telling people made it more real.

Fridays used to be my favorite day of the week, but I dreaded 3:00 today. I had to go pick up Gabs (which I love doing) but we then had 72 hours stretching out in front of us with no real plans. How lonely. Our house was the last place I wanted to be.

Don't get me wrong. I love my Gabs more than anything in the world but it's not easy to spend the weekend with just a 2 year old and a pomeranian for companionship. We have errands to run, but it's not worth it unless I am uber organized and can make sure that I can run the errands quickly, and get everything I need while I am out.

I guess I am super whiny tonight, but I haven't had a chance to throw myself a pity party yet since Gabs daddy left... perhaps this is the start of it.

Tough Times

It just seems like 2011 is NOT the year for our family. It started out rough, and looked like things might turn around this summer, but it was not to be. Gab's daddy has left us. It devastates me to write that but I need to start coming to terms with it and understanding what that means for my life. Not only did he leave, but he left 2 days before my birthday. His actual plan was to leave on my birthday, but I wasn't going to be OK with him staying here for 2 days knowing he didn't want to be with me.... and then to leave ON my birthday. Seriously? His reasoning was that his mother was leaving for a trip on my birthday so he'd be able to leave, and not tell anyone. Too bad... if he was so sure leaving us was a good idea, then he must be ok with letting people know?!

Sorry, that's my frustration and confusion coming out. I know we had a fight, but it didn't seem different than any other disagreement we'd ever had. But the story has slowly come out, he's been unhappy for a year. A YEAR?! I am not unhappy more than a day and I am telling him about it so we can deal and move on. A YEAR?! REALLY??? I am beyond sad and confused. We are going to see a counselor tomorrow... (We saw one Monday but it was a disaster, to be blogged about later...) and hopefully that will help. I have to maintain hope because I cannot imagine not being with Gabs daddy. He is my best friend, and while I know we have some issues, I hate to think that, with everything else we've been through, we couldn't work through this.

Here's hoping that our lucky number 13 strikes again tomorrow.